Interview With Dracula

Interview with Dracula

Interviewer: MAVIS (little girl, fledgling vampire, alter-ego Eliza Lake’s niece)

Interviewee: DRACULA (vampire)

Subject: IS DRACULA THE LEADER OF ALL MONSTERS?

(Please read Dracula’s voice as either Leslie Nielsen from “Dracula: Dead and Loving It” or Vlad from “Horton Hears a Who”)

M: Are you Dracula?

D: Vho vants to know?

M: I do.

D: Vy?

M: (sigh) Are you the leader of all the monsters?

D: (miffed) Vell of course I am. Vho else?

M: Frankenstein?

D: (laughing) Heh, heh, heh. You very funny.

M: What’s wrong with Frank?

D: Virst and number vone: Frankenstein not have own brain. Second and another: Brain dead. Not alive. So not much smarts. How he solve problem angry village? Set self on fire. Frankenstein leader? Heh, heh you very funny girl.

M: What about witches?

D: Vitches! This not comedy show. Cackle. Cackle. Cackle. All the time. Vhat so funny? Vitch, I think you say coo-coo, coo-coo in head. Vitches not proper leader. Not scaaaary!

M: (skeptical) You’re scary?

D: (proudly) I vampire. Vampire only really scary monster!

M: I’m a vampire.

D: (disbelief) You vampire? Heh, heh. Little girl.

M: I am. See? (shows vampire fangs) So I’m scary?

D: OK. You vampire. So you little scary. But you not Dracula!

M: No. I’m Mavis.

D: Mavis not scary name. DrAculA! It scary name. Say.

M: (half-hearted) Dracula.

D: No. DrAculAAA! See. It scary. Vhooo! Scary, yes?

M: (a little more effort) Draacula.

D: (loudly) No. DRAcuLAA!

M: (with feeling) DRACULA!

D: (feigning fear) Vhooo! Scary, see?

M: (rolling eyes) OK. But what about Mummies. They’re scary. They’re dead.

D: I’m dead. Undead. Many monsters dead. That not make scary. Mummies vrap self in toilet paper. Not scary. Beside, Mummie sound constipated. Uhh. Uhh. Nah-nah, nah-nah. Heh, heh, heh. I make joke.

M: (blank stare)

D: Master P? No? OK. Now serious. Mummie not make good leader either.

M: So Frankenstein, Witches and Mummies can be leader. What about….ghosts?

D: You are kidding me now. I don’t like ghosts.

M: You don’t like ghosts.

D: (straight face) I don’t like ghosts.

M: Why?

D: I tell ghost: “No valk through vall.” Vhat ghost do? Valk through vall. Hard to be taking bath vith ghosts valking through valls. No privacy. Ghosts all: “Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!” I say: “It’s me! I take bath…Get out!” Ghost act like they no being hearing me.

M: Do you like werewolves? I hear you are mortal enemies.

D: (smugly) Verevolf not real monster. Like puppy dog. Sit. Fetch. Howl at moon, then go to vork at office in morning. Heh, heh, heh. Dracula sleep ’til dusk. Lie around in silk pajama. Verevolf too busy bringing home bacon to be being leader.

M: Do you think skeletons are scary?

D: Clickty-clack. Clickty-clack. I throw leg bone to verevolf. Not scary.

M: (excited) I have a scary one for you. Are you ready?

D: OK. This good vone, yes?

M: Yes….Swampmonster!

D: Ahhhh! (suddenly serious) No. Not scary. Stinky. People not really run because scared. Really run because smell like pond scum. If don’t run, pass out.

M: Bats?

D: Ugh. Guano everywhere. Bats no longer invited into castle. Let me tell you, last monster soiree, I’m slipping in guano every night two weeks.

M: You could get a maid.

D: Hard to keep maid. Too tasty.

M: Pumpkinhead.

D: You have got to be kidding me. Fruit not scary. Fruit on vitch broom. Is joke, you see? Vitch crazy making dancing fruit.

M: I think pumpkins are vegetables.

D: Still not scary.

M: Zombies! You have to admit zombies are terrifying!

D: (blank stare)

M: Not even a little bit?

D: (unexcited) Vrotting flesh?

M: (eerie whisper) They want to eat your brains.

D: Because Zombie dumber than Frankenstein. If possible! (rolling eyes)

M: Well who is scary then?

D: DrAculaa!

M: (sigh, then mocks) Besides DrAculaa!

D: (thoughtful gaze)

M: (flustered) Really? Really, Dracula?

D: (innocently) Vhat? I’m thinking.

M: Rats?

D: Dessert.

M: Eww!

D: Don’t sleep. Heh, heh, heh. Don’t sleep. You get?

M: (sarcastic) Oh, I know: fairies.

D: Argghhh! Now that scaaary! Tinkerbell flying around head like buzzing gnat! (shudders)

M: (throws up hands in frustration)

D: And Mickey Mouse…

M: (rolls eyes) Nevermind.

D: Santa Clause.

M: Shut up! (covers ears)

D: He crush you vith big belly after breaking in house.

M: (stomps from room) I’m leaving.

D: (fangy smile) Vhat?…OK. Call me vith more questions.

THE END

Happy Halloween!

(favorite Dracula movie ever!)

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Wish by Deby Adair Book Review

Wish by Deby Adair is about a young girl called Rielle and her faithful dog Pud who meet a unicorn named Benny and his herd. Rielle is quickly welcomed into the herd. And as Benny and Rielle get to know each other he discovers Rielle has been wandering around with no one but Pud for company. She has a broken heart.

Benny immediately takes up her cause because “to be sad is to crush the heart of God.” (Beautiful) So with the blessing of the herd and the help of Hoot the owl and Bobs and Bibs, two Imperial Guard snails (funny and cute), they set off to find Hope in the land of Wish to ask if Rielle still has a dream.

This is a delightful tale with a hard-headed but loveable little girl and her simply adorable dog. It has so much heart and love in it. I enjoyed this story because it is refreshing to read a book about hope with decent and entertaining characters in it.

It has a great introduction to Rielle and Pud’s story. I thought maybe this should’ve begun the book instead of the prologue about the knight, unicorn and old lady. The “adventure” was a bit simplistic. But since it is part of a trilogy, it is just a step in the larger plot.

I liked the description. It creates emotions and lovely mental pictures. My favorite is in the first chapter:  “worry put eagles on her heels.”

The story does slow down a little when Rielle tells Benny why she wanders. It is a long exchange. But one thing that made me smile is Benny. I had no idea unicorns had so many facial expressions. They can grin, look puzzled, and roll their eyes. This was very entertaining. I recommend it to all readers.

Rating 4/5

The WISH trilogy – by Deby Adair. – Book 1: WISH-Dreams Beginning, Book 2: WISH AGAIN-Dreams Truth, Book 3: The THIRD WISH-Dreams Honour.

Website: www.unicornkisses.com

Benny’s Blog: Tips for young creators http://unicornkisses.com/blog/?page_id=240

UnicornKisses – Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/UnicornKisses/307437802677409?ref=hl

Books you Love  –  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Books-you-Love/124413017615120?ref=hl

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard

Purchase the WISH trilogy: http://www.greatmindsliterarycommunity.com  www.unicornkisses.com , www.fishpond.com.au

eBooks and paperbacks sold from the 28th August 2012: www.amazon.com , http://www.barnesandnoble.com

Guest Post: T.K. Harris’ Phantom Dreams

T.K. Harris was born in California and lived a gypsy sort of life traveling the world as a military brat. She has been writing since she was a child and as had several short stories published by various magazines, including one in Woman’s World. She currently lives and works in Colorado as a Senior Solutions Architect and IT Instructor and has recently had her first novel, Phantom Dreams, published. She is looking forward to her next two books, already outlined and partially written.

You can find out more at: http://www.tkharrisonline.com.

SYNOPSIS:

A scorned serial killer on an old vendetta.

An FBI agent who has been chasing monsters for too long.

A woman whose nightmares start invading her waking life.

FBI Special Agent Jack Matthews finds himself on yet another serial killer case, having barely recovered from the last disastrous hunt. Still stiff from a gun shot wound in his leg, under investigation for a botched job, and having lost his fiancée when she walked out on him, Jack is beginning to wonder if it isn’t time to move on to something new. But, for Jack, these cases are personal and he can’t say no.

Marketing specialist Kathy Gilliam leads a fairly boring life. If she’s not working or caring for her ailing father, then she is doing whatever it takes to avoid going anywhere near crowds of people. Her few distractions include her friend Margo Longfellow, occasional hiking trips, and her increasingly alarming dreams of women dying.

As her nightmares cause her to begin to doubt her sanity, the media releases news of the “Coast-to-Coast Killer” and Kathy discovers her dreams may be related. In a moment of panic, Kathy does something that places her on the FBI’s “persons of interest” list. Suddenly, her life is set on a collision course with Jack who must decide if Kathy is the killer or destined to become a victim.

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